If someone told me eight years ago I would be missing my children's stepmom I would have told them they are freaken crazy. No way in the world could I ever miss that lady. The struggles, arguments, and disagreements were enough to make anyone pull their hair out. Walking on egg shells and side stepping on both of our parts was the most exhausting thing ever! Now I miss her and here is why.
You see, my ex and I unfortunately do not see eye to eye when it pertains to raising our children, but thankfully that's where the stepmom would come in. She would keep up with their grades, friends, and curfews. She would reach out to me when she thought my boys were trying to pull one over on them, or if she thought they were doing something that was concerning. She was able to help my children's dad understand my point of view on things when I wasn't able to discuss things with him. She was put in the middle voluntarily or not, and she would try her best to help both sides all while keeping my kids' best interest in the forefront.
Over the period of eight years I grew to respect the stepmom and commend her for helping shaping my boys and keeping them grounded. Were there times my boys didn't like her...... of course. Were there times I didn't like her..... for sure. Were there times she didn't like me and my children....... absolutely. I always kept in mind though that she had their best interest in mind even if my boys didn't think so. Her tough personality kept them in check, but her love and generosity kept them afloat.
Fast forward to present day and unfortunately the stepmom and my ex are divorcing. She will no longer have those ties to my children, and she will no longer help ease the arguments that are currently happening within our family dynamic. She will no longer be there to do the "mom" things that all children need. Whether it's hugs and "I love yous," or reminders to stay on top of responsibilities she will be missed.
While I am sure her heart longs for the relationships that she has lost with my sons, my heart longs for her to instill many of the core values she believes in.
Currently one of my boys still wishes to have her in his life and the other does not. I can't not even begin to fathom what it would be like to not have my own stepchildren be a part of my life anymore. It tears me up as I am sure it does for her. I pray that one day time will heal and relationships will mend.
But for now stepmom, I want to thank you. Thank you for your years of devotion to my boys. Thank you for stepping up to the plate and doing the best that you could. Thank you for being a mom when they were in your home. Thank you for all that you have done. You may not hear it from my children, you may not hear it from the ex, but you will most definitely hear it from me.